Not Much But It's Home [Vivi]

"Hey if that's your choice that's your choice. I think if it were me I would say to myself, if I did these bad things. If I hurt these people and was a terrible person, does throwing myself into dangerous situations make up for that, or does that just ruin another life." She couldn't think of a better way to put it then that. "So you hurt someone, or maybe even killed someone I don't really know, I don't know your life really... but if you put yourself in harms way to save people, and somethin bad happens to you. What comes of it? If you get killed or lose an arm, what then?"

She was using herself as an example here, "I fought and protected because I thought I'm a good person, I had bad things happen to me, I don't want bad things to happen to other people who can't handle it. The thing is, I can't handle this. I couldn't handle staying with Macht, I couldn't handle living with him. I couldn't handle accepting a hand out from AI for a free prosthetic and I really can't handle charity."

Sarah took a few deep breaths, "I don't have any living family, not real family anyway. If I die then what was it all for? At least if I fight for a selfish reason then my death is deserved. There goes Sarah in over her head. It beats the cowards way out... and it beats pretending like I have some sort of hero complex that I don't..."

Sarah may have revealed a bit too much in this. It might have been made clear by now that she had a death wish.

"Like I said though," Sarah nudged her, "I can't handle that sort of charity. I got a shitty hand dealt to me. And yeah, I can respect you wanting to go out doing something nice. Or at least something you believe in. I just, I can't feel like I owe the world anything and quite frankly I wanna punch anyone who thinks I do in the nose." Sarah drank some more of her soda before getting up and moving over to the couch, sitting on it criss cross, "I'm gonna sit where it's a bit more comfortable."

She rested her head against the back cushions of the couch with her shoulder pressing into it. "You're doing good though and I totally believe you think you're doing the right thing so that's awesome. But yeah good is totally relative. I used to think Macht was good but now, I'm not so sure. I used to have rose colored glasses about him you know? But looking back he was kind of condescending about my ability to fight and like, I'm not here for all that."

She remembered how he had acted. "I kinda wish I could just beat him up once you know? Take the smugness out of him and just go from there. Thing is he's fucked up from fear too." She wanted so badly to just find the person who had caused it all and kill him already. "I think force to be reckoned with would be a good one... you know, a good way to be remembered? I really don't expect to live through any of this."

"Yeah, crazy stuff," She said really thinking about Macht's sister getting hurt by that. "I'd say I don't know what I'd do but I know what I'd do. The same thing I am doing," She put it rather bluntly, "Find out who Aegis is and kill them. Plain and simple. Find the person who made Aegis and kill them for good measure too. I used to think that was mindless rampage talking but at this point it's become a calm cool vengeance that's sorta just like... I dunno. I'm not broody about my arm, shit happens. I miss it, life sucks. But I don't focus on it you know?"

She thought about it more though, "Whatever got them taken control of, their weakness got the better of them. They were taken over. Who is to say they won't be taken over again? Aegis named himself my enemy when he took my arm. I prefer my enemies properly buried so I can sleep at night." That was where it was, the core of her wanting to kill him. It happened before, she had to be sure it wouldn't happen again, much like the thing that revealed itself to her.

Never again.

"Thanks for the offer on keeping me alive, I think I might have it but don't kill yourself over me. I'm not a hero and don't deserve any protection." She shrugged, "Sounds like Macht's sister might have hurt some people though. Maybe even got close to killing them. It's not your fault, her weakness got her into this mess but the brainwashing isn't her fault. I blame her lack of willpower for her body being so taken over. That said the person who took over her mind? There's the real person to be angry with. Just knowing that Aegis could come back the way.... the way others might. I can't rest until I put him to rest."

She would sit up a little more, looking to the other side of the couch, "Has that mark done anything weird to you, by chance?"

"I've lost more than an arm," She said simply, knowing the part of herself she had lost in that fight. It was a whole world of trauma added to an already existing case of PTSD. Sleep came when she passed out and her rage was an eternal flame. "If it was someone I cared about, someone who I loved, if they hurt me like that I would put my life before theirs. Or I would train them to stay in control. If they couldn't, then I'd give them fair warning."

When Vivi talked about finding the people Sarah spoke up, "Me and Steven were looking into it. We got a laptop from a police car and began doing a trace. He also was looking into getting a spectrometer. If we get anything I could always let you know, I know you'd want to help, I'd want to help anyone who found anything too."

She gave a small smile, "You didn't tell me though, has the mark done anything yet? Or is it just a mark so far?" Sarah had experienced some weird things and wanted to know if Vivi had control.

"Hopefully you don't have the problems I had," Sarah warned her. "Just... if you start to feel like you're losing it? Please come find me and I'll help you." She said, giving the one and only warning that she felt comfortable saying. She didn't want to discuss what had realeased itself in her training and she really didn't care to talk about it when thinking about her deal with Aegis and her intent to kill him.

His weakness infected me...

She instead changed back to he earlier topic, "But yeah no totally I could use the help if it comes to a fight. As a matter of fact we should like spar sometime or something, sort of get used to each other's fighting styles and stuff. It's been ages since the day you totally whooped my ass." She was thinking a friendly spar, not pulling any of her tricks so much as figuring out each other's strengths and such. "But yeah if you need my help definitely just text me or call me, give me an address and I'll show up pronto. I'll keep you in the loop as well."

"Yeah, you could say that.." Her fist gripped tightly as she thought about her training. "I unleashed something while training. Thankfully I was in an orchard out of the city, I like practicing with my sword without having the cops called on me you know? I lost it when I was trying my all against a tree and well... something horific happened." She left it at that for now.

"As for how, I'd care to guess it was from taking in that mist. Like a lasting affect. You know stuff like that getting ingested can end up in your fatty tissue and takes awhile to get out of your system but this seems almost... potent. I don't get it. The stuff is more than just a gas, it has to be." Sarah was happy to talk about sparring though. "Not yet huh? Gotta get that going for you somehow, some intense training or something. It could help you quite a bit."

As for the contact offer Sarah would give a small nod. "Just keep an eye on that mark, if you start to feel like you're losing it tell someone right away, like I said before me if possible I have a way to help with that sometimes if I catch it quick enough."

"My Qi... I guess presented itself is the correct wording for it, when I was being attacked in an alleyway by some creeps." She explained with a small shrug of her good shoulder. "I sobered myself up, and I charmed one of them into attacking the other. Once I was completely sober I fought back and it was easy going. Since then I've found two other things I can do with Qi, at least I think it's Qi. I just sorta, I dunno have ways of shifting my body."

She didn't want to go into it completely other than that, she knew the sound of joints popping and felt herself becoming more sensitive to touch and pain and injury when she was able to sprint at incredible speeds. She also knew that if she focused enough energy she could hit hard but then feel weak for a time but that felt almost normal to her, like having a limp wrist after wrestling with a pickle jar.

Come to think of it she couldn't quantify any of her abilities in a surefire seen fashion, it wasn't like the water trick that Steven could do or the metal body that Aegis seemed to be able to activate. "I didn't believe it, not like really, until it happened to me. If you want I can train with you to try to bring that out of you as well."