Heart of a champion. (Felix)

Felix climbed the familiar roof steps yet again. It was getting pretty ridiculous how often he ended up there, despite the fact that it was usually abandoned, it was somehow really popular. He stepped over the second to last step, it was made in such a way that each time he made his way up there he would trip on it, but not today, he'd learned from his previous mistakes, making it a point to take a large step over it.

Walking out onto the roof, he got a face full of sun as it shone down on him just before being overtaken by a cloud. He scanned the rooftop catching site of Cedric, he gestured to him with a small salute, tipping his two fingers to the sky. "Whattup nerd!" He walked over to him, plopping down to Cedric's right. "Tired of me beating your ass,  so what's up? You want my wonderful company or something."

Felix caught the can like a boss, turning it in the light of the sun, and watching how the light glinted off the aluminum edge as Cedric talked. He let out a deep breath, 'So it's one of these talks. . .' Felix would think, guessing the conversations direction. He wasn't a fan of thinking of his flaws, mostly because he thought of them all the time. He was his own worst critic, and he hated himself for it. He would look off into the distance, ranting silently in his head. 'Yeah, I know a million reasons why I lost. Hell looking back on it, I see where I could have won!'

But of course he said none of this, giving only a raise of his eyebrows to Cedric. Felix decided to go along with it, no need to be a snobby ass. Plus Cedric definitely had the right to criticize him-- if that was what he was doing; being that he had royally destroyed Felix twice now. So he merely shook his head, acting as if he was clueless "Uh, you're a high school body builder and over six feet tall?"

He poked one of Cedric's muscular arms gently as he rambled on, "What do you eat to get so swole anyway? Concentrated growth hormones? The souls of the wicked AND the innocent?" He gave a theatrical shrug, as he finished his statement. "I'm just a handsome, ex-track super star, fighting ain't my thing. Just look at me!" He gestured towards his face with both hands giving an over exaggerated smile before dropping the expression for his normal one of a crooked grin. "But honestly I dunno? Probably because I don't know how to fight?" He gave another shrug of his shoulders turning his head towards Cedric. "Shit I dunno, what d'you think?" 

Everything Cedric said, Felix already knew . . . but it didn't make the assessment hurt any less. Each word of criticism; no matter how constructive, felt like a stab in to his gut which was only amplified because he knew what he was doing wrong. Despite his feelings though, Felix said nothing, not interrupting Cedric, deciding to just take his verbal licks; as his usual go to strategy to any and all of his fights was picked apart, piece by piece. He bit his lip seemingly in thought, but it was actually to prevent him from shouting out. 'I ALREADY KNOW! I KNOW WHY I'M A LOSER!'  

Felix grinned back at Cedric, resting his temple on his knuckle as he spoke, "Maybe I'm just a fan of your warm embrace, last time you were ever so gentle!" He cackled at his own joke, the spot where he'd been slammed into the floor with a German Suplex, throbbing. Another painful reminder of his loss. "Learning curve . . . more like a learning mountain."

He sighed deeply; again, reviewing his own fighting style that was literally flash over substance. While his attacks could be effective and hard hitting, normal more tried and true attacks would be 'better' and achieve the same thing, without him putting himself at risk. But what was the point of training so damn hard, if he couldn't fight like he wanted to. He was solemn, looking down at his lap as he was sitting. "Truth is. I've been fighting since I was young too-- maybe not trained to fight. But I've been fighting alright." He let out another deep breath, it was embarrassing to admit that he actually had a history fighting, though nothing formal, it was a lot easier to pass it off as 'Oh I'm not a fighter.' even if he thought himself one. But he never really was a fan of lying to anyone, so he continued with the truth.

"I've fought my cousins, thugs, thieves, gangsters, students, kids, --hell I've even fought myself . . ." Felix would turn to Cedric strangely serious as he continued to explain. "It's just-- not to brag but . . . I used to win. Anyone who messed with me I would always win, each and every time. Not because I was faster or anything, but because I could get back up." Felix paused as the next words struggled to come out, "But it's not like that here, you can't just 'get back up' all the time, because some kids can punch through concrete like it was made of fucking butter!" He paused for breath one last time, finally getting to his point.

"As dumb as it is, I fight the way I fight because I've always had to hold back, and it's always been more fun to do flashy stuff. But now it's holding me back, sorry to have you bring me out here just so I could tell you this but . . . fighting to my strengths or weaknesses doesn't matter to me. I trained till I coughed blood so I could fight the way I want to fight." He looked away slightly embarrassed. "Kinda rambled there, sorry if it came out of no where. Little embarrassed to admit, but everyone can do all these cool things, including you. I just like to stand out."

Felix listened to Cedric's come up story with an interest. Most people only talked about how they got to this school. Not how it changed them, or what it put them through. He identified with most of what Cedric said, minus the fact of specifically looking for fights, they just seemed to happen . . . or had they? He thought hard on it, when did fighting to survive turn into fighting for fun? The line was becoming blurred, or it had already been blurred and he didn't even know the specific point where he had changed, only that he had, and it was a dramatic one.

At Cedric's last point Felix couldn't help but smile. "If you mean dedicating myself to fighting challengers it might be too late." Before he could think better of it he stood up removing his white T-shirt, before sitting back down, his back pointed towards Cedric. Felix pointed to an area on his right trapezius, high up near his shoulder showing off a tribal tattoo of a hurricane. "I'm part of LG, Lightning Gang if you didn't know. And trouble seems to just follow us." He scooted back around still shirtless as he grinned sheepishly. "Probably shouldn't have told you that if you're part of a rival gang heh . . . heh." He scratched the back of his head slightly nervous. 

Felix let out a relieved sigh, he was in no shape to fight, his body still recovering from the last brawl with Cedric. Felix put his shirt pack on with a groan, his muscles aching in protest as he did so. Turning back to Cedric just in time to see him present his own gang patch. Felix's eyes widened blinking slowly, with the path LG was currently taking it probably wouldn't be long before LG was at Cedric's gangs throat. He silently hoped it wouldn't go down like that, but outwardly he grinned at Cedric's taunts. "Yeah wouldn't have it any other way, bring it scrub.", he would have continued trash talking but stopped to listen to Cedric.

An unreadable expression crossing his face. He turned, staring forward as he sat in thought. He reached over patting Cedric on the back, "I never really considered myself whole, but glad you think so." A sad breathless laugh that was more an exhalation of breath escaped his mouth. "But yeah I get you."

He thought of all the stories of the school, and all the pain it had brought them. Though on the other side, the school was a "safe" haven for people similar to them. Despite its violent undertones Felix had truly met some great people thanks to the school, no matter how broken.

"Yeah." Felix nodded along with Cedric's conversation as he looked off into the distance. He was curious as to what Cedric meant about himself being 'broken', and why he would think that. But he chose not to, deciding if Cedric wanted to share anything with him, he would. He turned towards Cedric at the mention of being numb. Was Cedric saying that he felt numb inside?

Felix had no response, there was nothing he really could have done or said aside from listening. So he did just that; listened; only chiming in near the end. "Nah I'm pretty sure I understand what you're saying. I'm just really glad I can finally get a chance to just . . . sit down and chat with someone."  

Felix stared at Cedric concerned. The kid seemed tough, but everyone did on the outside. Losing friends was never easy, especially when you watch it happen. But he'd been through losing someone before, except instead of turning into a husk, they were just gone for good. He didn't question Cedric, or give his condolences, he knew from first hand experience that condolences did nothing. There was at least the chance that his friend would return to normal.

The question startled Felix out of his thinking, "U-Uh what?" His brain taking a moment to register the question. "Do I get scared?" He looked down at his hands, clenching and unclenching them, trying to remember all his fights.

Most of the time he had been outmatched entirely; getting his ass kicked was nothing new to him, but fear should be something all people experienced in the face of danger right? That should have been the case, but as he thought back, aside from maybe his first day he hadn't been truly scared of any situation. Not because he believed he could win, but because the thought had never really crossed his mind. He remembered his fights with some of his stronger opponents, remembering the feeling of getting absolutely destroyed, unable to do anything in defense . . . and he had loved it.

The feeling of getting hurt, and hurting someone back. The feeling of being so overwhelmed, there was no room to care about anything, not even yourself. No time to worry if you made the right move or not, just fight and survive, that was all that mattered. If anything those moments were his favorites, so much so he wanted to live in them.

Felix suddenly snapped back to reality remembering the reason he was thinking of these things. He didn't notice that a wild grin had crossed his face while he was thinking. He tried to formulate an answer but he had no idea of how to explain his feelings on the matter, as he struggled to form even a simpler answer. "I uh- No I don't think so. I just kind of focus really hard . . . and everything sort of fades away." He was sure the answer didn't make much sense, but he didn't really have a better explanation off the top of his head.