The Trickster God [Speed Event]

Between the sudden giant Popsicles, the weird video-game shit being layered over his vision, and the oncoming army, Jack felt that things had gotten weird enough that he should stop trying to explain them, and just try and fight his way out. When had that not worked?

He glanced around at some of the others around him, who were also holding absurd weapons of sorts. "We're not hitting each other, right? Right? 'Kay, just checking..." Last thing he wanted was to get backstabbed in an insane situation like this.

Regardless, Jack was very fucking angry at the moment, and the Apostles looked like they'd make some decent rage-fodder. He stepped forwards, crashing his popsicles together. They looked temptingly sweet... but with his luck, they were probably poisonous or something.

After considering a line about popping and cherries, he decided to go for something simple. Namely, charging forth while yelling incoherently about 'FUCKING TIME TRAVEL' and swinging his candies in a wide arc in front of him.

Shugo: the gauntlet bounced around from Apostle to Apostle, inflicting inconvenient cuts every time. It must have bounced around at least thirty times before it hit the ground.

-30 Apostles.

Hailey: Striking the apostles with surprising force, her two egg attacks would manage to take down 20 apostles before they needed to regenerate!

-20 Apostles.

Mira: with their combined destructive force, Ira's water guns would eradicate a whole 50 apostles and Macht's straightforward attack eliminated another 35 more!

-85 Apostles.

Vivi: her butt took down 5 approaching apostles and her headbutt took out another 3. Despite the low numbers, though, she managed to cause five time-bombs to appear..!

-8 Apostles.

Jack: The delicious goodness of his popsicles being thrown forth by his force, jack created a slippery terrain for the apostles in front of Henry! They all began to slip and fall on one another, and while his actual attack did no damage, they fell over onto each other hard enough to get knocked out!

-45 Apostles.

Yin: Yin's energy beam DESTROYED A PORTION OF THE WORLD as it fired through the ground, not only eliminating 100 apostles, but Mother Earth as well. If the group looked through the hole Yin created, they could literally see into space, and Jack's spaceship was out there somewhere.

-100 apostles.

Hex and Girard: unfortunately he fell into Yin's hole! (huhuh) Only managing to take out 12 apostles during the fall, Hex would be uppercut by some sort of bat demon thing and he'd fly up into space... Hoo boy. Girard was just kicked in the dick and thrown into Jack's popsicle field. This new bat army flew around the battlefield wildly, with one group in particular charging at Henry's flag.

-300 Apostles
+200 bat things.

40 bat things heading for Henry's flag.

Bat stats: 75 across but 200 in Dex

I threw the cape over my shoulder.

"Shit... Should not have had burritos for lunch... Bathroom bathroom. Where's a-"

I would accidentally fart just before being propelled forward. I was launched head first into the crowd of Apostles, blasting through them like a missile. Much like the RPer's car when he launched it through a literal wall of snow to get to work. That wasn't my biggest problem.

"Oh shit. I'm gonna-"

I started puking all over everyone as I was propelled through the air. I was like a missile expelling farts and vomit like they were toxic nerve gasses.

  Irritated at her general lack of success, Vivi threw her stick with all of her strength like a javelin hoping to send it smashing past several more apostles on it's way and to plant more bombs. From there, her face twisted into a very unattractive scowl and she felt a major temper tantrum coming on.

   Yelling at the top of her lungs, Vivi began plowing through the apostles at full speed towards the place she'd thrown her weapon, in an effort to tank through them. As she moved, Vivi swung her arms every which way in attempt to strike out at the men around her. Eventually she tried grabbing one of the apostles by the feet and spinning him around to whack other apostles... all the while screaming like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum.

Macht's 1 Wis was enough to keep him from knowing any of the situation. So, what did he do? He kept using the dildo's momentum to spin around and around. His towel flew off in the middle, revealing his junk in the process. With Ira to guide him, he'd try and finish off all the apostles there were.