The Trickster God [Speed Event]

Macht stared at Steve Buscemi in awe as the guy stood to his feet.

"What the fuck," he sputtered out slowly. Grip faltering, Macht finally managed to grip his dildo tightly enough to use once more. This time, he rocketed for Buscemi's bush-emi.

"Hey now, I don't know about that. It's got good ratings. Besides, you seen me in Desperado? Conair? Boardwalk Empire? That's not gonna damage my ego frien--- AGH! Fuck!"

Distracted by Jack, Yin's blaster and Hailey's egg kept Steve from completing his stomp. This also allowed Gerard to slash his heel, and Hex to come through the hole and crush his ribs with the force of the attack. Macht and Ira's joint attack on his dick caused his going to erupt in pain, and he couldn't even defend himself with Shugo blinding him. He fell over, flailing wildly to the point he swatted the bat thing out of the sky and allowed Gerard to retrieve the flag.

VICTORY flashed over everyone's hud as fireworks went off around the district and Henry's themesong began to play. Their exp bars would fill up so much that they were flooded with hundreds of "LEVEL UP!" icons and rewards.

"Today, you have all managed to get chance and luck. Today, we celebrate our independence day."

From there, the Trickster God simply vanished, and a collection of nifty little beads of light would shoot into everyone's bodies. Then, there was only one problem. No one was waking up from any dream. At least, not yet... Dun dun dun.

Henry waited on a building with a file containing names on all those who participated in his whacky speed event.

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Everyone receives either +5 exp or +2 ct, along with the following personalized consumable:

Shugo: Fart Cape: Once per thread, the user may fart and cause this cape to propel him skyward at a speed equal to 150% of his intelligence.

Vivi: Butt Axe: Once per thread, the user can strike someone with this butt to deal her full Int in damage and place a fart bomb on them. The fart bomb explodes the following round, doing her full Int in damage to everything within a five foot radius from the target.

Yin: Cap Gun: Once per thread, Yin may fire an enormous laser that deals damage equal to 125% his total int. Laser size is about as large as his head, and extends infinitely until making contact with up to 5 feet of solid material or a living being. If the output is more than twice the con of the environment, it causes the portion of the environment it touches to disintegrate.

Hailey: Egg Axes: Once per thread, Hailey can strike an opponent for a value equal to 150% of her intelligence. The eggs on these axes then explode, doing splash damage equal to 1/2 her int in a five-yard radius.

Aldritch: Stupidly Big Hammers: Once per thread, should Aldritch spin from start to finish, he can conjure up a small tornado with wind strength equal to his total Str. This wind can disrupt the path of projectiles but does no direct damage.

Ira: Water guns: Once per thread, Ira fires a stream of smelly water at an opponent, dealing 125% Int in damage and attacking their lifepoints directly. Inflicts a -15 Con debuff on the target.

Gerard: Tinfoil Blades: Once per thread, Gerard can smack an opponent with these flimsy blades. If he does so and his Int exceeds the target's Wis, he causes the target to flee for a single round.

Jack: enormous cherry popsicles with morbid red liquid dripping down the chain-like handle: Once per thread, Jack receives a buff equal to 50 stats applied however he likes. This bonus lasts two rounds. The following two rounds, he receives -5 to all stats.

Macht: the chosen dildo: Once per thread, Macht can shoot forward with this dildo to move at a speed equal to his Str +50.

Yin used the H.U.D to check his level up status and found he had five points to distribute amongst his stats. Kick ass.